When did we get programmed to believe that self-betrayal was a sign of honor, high-regard and respect?
When did self-sacrifice become the only measure of worth?
When did virtue become synonymous with hard work?
The first betrayal you ever experienced was self-betrayal.
You are still living in that reality now.
The reality of fear that was triggered by the first moment you betrayed yourself to fit into an ideal, social standard, or to be safe, loved or wanted.
Self-betrayal is the moment when we lose touch of our true nature.
Our true nature is vitality, pure love, abundance, joy.
When we betray ourselves we have chosen to see the ego as our self.
We have fallen in the trap of the righteousness over the unknown.
Most of the time, the first act of self-betrayal comes when we are young.
As a species, humans have a huge gap between dependency and independence.
It’s not our fault, we were designed like that.
We get an un-asked-for birth into the realm of human experience and have to navigate the world and transcend are limitations.
One of the first limitations we give ourselves is lack of trust.
Once you fall into the trap that the people you are dependent upon know what’s better for you than you do, you betray yourself to meet an expectation.
One of the first unwritten, unspoken contracts of self-betrayal goes like this:
“If you (care provider, parent, guardian), keep me safe I will behave in the way that I think you want me to behave.”
This is your first wound.
Whatever you felt you had to become in order to be safe and not get exiled from the family is most likely the unconscious belief that runs your world today.
That in some way or another you felt you had to make a sacrifice of Being.
That you couldn’t just be you.
You couldn’t fully express your true nature.
Your joy and happiness were quickly swept under the rug and you were promised to get them back as long as you “worked hard”.
You navigated life betraying yourself.
You people-pleased.
You had to get the grades, be the good student, prove to someone else your worth.
Your own self-betrayal led you to the belief that you are,
“Not enough”
“Not worthy”
“Not loved”
“Not wanted”
“Not seen”
You manipulate your circumstances in an attempt to gain back what you’ve lost.
You become a doctor to feel enough.
You become a millionaire to feel worthy.
You live in the Illusion of The Ideal Future: One day if I can rectify all of my circumstances, then I will be happy, joyous, vital, and free.
This is a life of betrayal.
It’s based upon the lie that you are inherently flawed, broken or that something inside of you is missing.
Your true nature does not require you to “go out and get” what you desire.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is nothing “to fix”.
You are not broken.
Everything that you are looking for already exists, it already is, and it’s here in the now.
You’ve programmed yourself with an unwritten, unspoken contract that you “have to be someone” or “become something” in order to be enough or worthy.
The irony is that you already are.
The return home is forgiving yourself for this betrayal.
For creating little promises to yourself that you keep.
For showing yourself that you can trust your heart again.
That you don’t need the opinions of others to guide you.
That you won’t find what you are looking for “out in the world” and that everything you need is within you already.
If you can show yourself the fundamental truth, which is that you are everything, you begin to trust yourself again.
You create a world in which you exist in a state of love, joy, and wonder.
You return to your natural state, and your entire perception of yourself changes.
You get to play again.
To enjoy the experience of life.
To create and build through the lens of true purpose.
You feel aligned, free, and happy because you always were.
You just happened to be blocking yourself from the very essence you searched your entire life to find.
There was nothing to “survive” only the opportunity to reclaim the light you once gave away in order to feel safe.
Betrayal is not virtuous, love is.
I love you the same,
Izzy
10/30/24